Washed away

Washed away
Originally uploaded by Deckard@tyrell.corp

These little scars
These little regrets
These little beings
These little spirits
These little hearts



All of them, washed away
Washed away, far from my life
Washed away, far from my mind.

Kindness is weakness.
Empathy is weakness.
Patience is a waste of time.

It is not a depression but a new birth to come.

And the new born has no memories.

R.O.M.

R.O.M.
Originally uploaded by Deckard@tyrell.corp

Almost five years that I ran away from city, from people, from bad memories, building a shelter of ice and thorns. Just realizing today this loss of time, this feeling of uncontrolled acceleration, emerging from the dark, but too late.

It wasn't a reconstruction, but a self-destruction.

Five years of non-sense, inexistence, negation of the person I had been.

I just woke up today, being five years older and quietly observing the inner desert I build with my own hands.

Sick

Sometimes, there is a total absence of light.

Negative thoughts are coming as waves of increasing frequency, and I can't fight against them.

I'm making mistakes after mistakes.

I'm not attentive enough to love that some special people give to me. I'm neglecting my friends. I'm loosing myself in virtualities. I'm wounded because of false friendship. I'm stressed by material things. I let all my passions go away. I feel that my body and spirit are degenerating. I hate what I see in my mirror. I hate the man I became. Because life is a challenge, because I'm a coward.

I...I...I...

I'm just egocentric, focused on my own decadence. There is no magic I can feel in this world, or, maybe my eyes are not able to see it anymore. Just a living joke in a cold and mad world.

Maybe could I be useful for some human beings, but this dark thing is swallowing me slowly. Time was given to me but I wasted it. So many people gone, so many things I could have done, so many mistakes I could have fixed...

But I will go on, because of few persons. I must try, for them, at least for them.

Dessication

Dessication
Mise en ligne par Deckard@tyrell.corp

House is so empty when you're not here.
Life is loosing his taste and the soul is becoming dry like an old dead leaf.
Season I loved so much, years ago, became a season I hate.
I have nothing to do, except what I'm doing so well: wait.
Waiting.
Becoming...hollow.

Indifference

Indifference
Mise en ligne par Deckard@tyrell.corp

Indifference about ourselves can be rather unbearable sometimes.
We have all the things to be happy, and much more. But, no, we want more and more.
There is no limit in the process. We are becoming blind.
We are becoming egocentric. We are focusing on one thing we cannot have or one person we admire but who doesn't seem to reciprocate. We forget the others. It's time to reverse the process.

I said "We" but I should have said "I".

In these moments, it can be useful, it can be sane, to relativize these little, tiny, scars on the ego.

Watch and listen :
The Host of Seraphim

Shadow World

Shadow World
Originally uploaded by Deckard@tyrell.corp.

Living as a transitory shadow in an alien world.
Trying to make sense where there isn't any.
Knowing that all the Dark is coming from me.
Escaping from reality in dreams I can't even remember.
Remembering only what I can't have.
Focusing only on what is unreachable.
Picturing in my mind only the One who is much too far.

Eternal Dreamer : inspired by Scarlet

Eternal Dreamer
Originally uploaded by A Scarlet Perspective.

Sleepless

in the dream I fall into the sleepless sea
with a swell of panic and pain
my veins are aching for the distant reef
in the crush of emotional waves...

alright, get a hold of yourself
an' don't fight it, it's over your head
it's alright, the rumble in your ears
it's alright to feel a little fear
an' don't fight it, it's over your head
it's alright, you wake up in your bed...

silhouettes like shivering ancient feelings
they cover my foreign floors and walls
submarines are lurking in my foggy ceiling
they keep me sleepless at night...

hey, can you picture the sight
the figures on the beach in the searing night
and the roaring hurt of my silent fight...
can you pull me out
of this sleepless night
can you pull me out?...

King Crimson