Lost in the Crowd

Who cares ?

Everybody has his own problems and doesn't want to have another ones. It's human. Sometimes we're afraid of those negative thoughts, like some contamination process.
We forget that, most of time, people don't need help; they just need to speak or share. We are afraid of that. It's human. Yes...Human, but sad.

We don't want to hear about these things; we want to hear something about us. The quest for happyness ? No... The quest for ego. Nothing more. Waiting for somebody to save us ? Strange idea, because everybody needs to be saved. We are all individualists, thinking,... I don't know why,... thinking that we deserve a better world and a better life. Waiting for the perfect being who will be able to make us being greater, smarter... We deserve what we choosed. We are the results of all our mistakes. Then, it's easy to say that, amongst all, we are the more wounded, hurted victim. Then it's easy to reject, or to hate, the other.

I lived that, twice; from the two opposite points of view. I don't believe anymore in any kind of harmony in a couple. I realized that I am just the victim of my own choices. I'm trying to see the whole story from a third point of view : I can see this crowd filled with anonymous egos, each one wanting to find his soulmate. Egos wanting to be saved, not by a romantic and idealistic symbiosis, but rather by some kind of unconscious vampyrism's instinct. Now I see how much I'm useless and guilty in the same time, now I know that I'm truly of no use for anyone. But you know what ?

At least, I know this fact.

Now it's time for me to be back in this crowd but I will look at the sky, not at people, just the sky. I'm tired to have dreams.

Tired to explain and justify.

Tired of this crowd, gathering nearer and nearer to seek some savior and in the same time rejecting each other. We are a living paradox.

Decided to forget dreams, and perhaps to reach the blue sky. And what is this blue sky ? What is this direction where I want to look ? So simple: being useful for people who don't ask for it but need it; my Kids, my family...

Decided to stop trying to reach people who are afraid of me because I'm a mirror of their own soul, decided to stop trying to lowerize the hate that other feel about me.
Decided to forget the pain, the fears and unreachable hopes.

Decided to be in peace with myself, in this blue sky upon me.

I just need to wait for some wings to grow.

I just pray to not fall one more time in the traps of hope.

Decided to stop to be so weak.