Summertime
Summertime...
Another August month.
Have you ever said to yourself : "today I change" ?
Wanting to make something else, to break usual ways, to have some new memories to remember in Fall, wanting to live.
But Others are always there, to remind you Reality. They are here to show you happy families, long evenings with friends, smiles. They are always here to show you all you had, centuries ago.
Reconstructing... Oh yes... So easy to say.
Now I'm trying to avoid looking in their directions, trying to focus on the blue sea, the clouds, the horizon. But it's only emptyness that I reach. Future...
Scared of future, so scared.
Blog, photos, my Moleskine...trying to let marks of me. For what ? For who ?
All these summer nights in a desert and silent garden, looking for my star in the sky.
Some years ago, there were some good birthdays parties there. People left years ago.
Life lines are diverging, away, far away.
Human condition is an illusion.
---------------------------------------------------
"We live, as we dream--alone. . . ."
Joseph Conrad (Heart of Darkness)
Another August month.
Have you ever said to yourself : "today I change" ?
Wanting to make something else, to break usual ways, to have some new memories to remember in Fall, wanting to live.
But Others are always there, to remind you Reality. They are here to show you happy families, long evenings with friends, smiles. They are always here to show you all you had, centuries ago.
Reconstructing... Oh yes... So easy to say.
Now I'm trying to avoid looking in their directions, trying to focus on the blue sea, the clouds, the horizon. But it's only emptyness that I reach. Future...
Scared of future, so scared.
Blog, photos, my Moleskine...trying to let marks of me. For what ? For who ?
All these summer nights in a desert and silent garden, looking for my star in the sky.
Some years ago, there were some good birthdays parties there. People left years ago.
Life lines are diverging, away, far away.
Human condition is an illusion.
---------------------------------------------------
"We live, as we dream--alone. . . ."
Joseph Conrad (Heart of Darkness)
posted by L. at 15:45:00
5 Comments:
Lau Lau Lau... I think this is an important blog entry. The past is something very dangerous. More so for those who dwell on it. But it's also very hard to look toward the future when it doesn't seem so bright, when all you have are questions, when you feel alone. I know, I've been there. I think I still am 'there'. I have told myself many times "today is the first day of the rest of my life" and guess what? It wasn't. I long for this evolution, this renaissance and it still hasn't come. But I hope it does. I truly hope that my luck will change, that life will smile on me, and that all this pain will not have been in vain. I think what I'm trying to say is that, like you I feel terribly lost, BUT, just to know that you are looking at the stars means you have hope. And that is something very powerful. So, let's not try to lose this hope we have, ok? I'm sure great things will come our way Lau, I'm sure... Bonne Nuit mon ami...
Oh...Thank you Lali, but it's so difficult to explain.
I just wish to be alone with my old passions : reading, creating mathematics, making photos.
Something like a good monk's life. But year after year, old dreams become real, just for a short time, just the time for hope to reborn; and after this short time, ineluctably, dreams mutate into nightmare.
I'm certainly guilty, I know, but it's becoming more and more difficult to forget. I'm sure I'm the creator of my own personnal hell, because i'm too weak; too weak against the strength of persistent dreams. I wish I could be like a stone, lose any sensitivity about life's things and finding pleasure only in intellectual things and I wish to be without memories too because nostalgia is the more harsh of all ennemies. I lived too long in this world to be able of liberating myself of human destructive feelings and these feelings are devastating all remaining abilities I could use to escape from my cage. It's a kind of vicious circle. Life is a wheel and I am the guinea pig. This is not complaining, this is just a cold report on an anonymous life. I'm trying to see the sky above me and forget the crowd below. I'm working on it, coldly.
I'm just trying to be as cynical and harsh on myself that I could be with human mankind.
Notre personnalité-même est une illusion. Et pour "changer", moi, le meilleur moyen que j'ai trouvé, c'est de rencontrer de nouvelles personnes qui ne traînent pas avec elles une image de toi déjà connue. Alors, dans leur regard qui te découvre, toi aussi tu te découvres sous un jour nouveau. D'où la beauté, sans doute, de certaines rencontres.
Ho, Laurent, je viens de lire la sitation sous le titre de ton blog avec un coup au cœur. Blade Runner est mon film fétiche adoré et, à ce moment, lorsque Roy-Rutger Hauer dit ces mots sublimes avant de succomber, à chaque fois, je pleure.
Salut Kitty
oui, il semblerait que j'ai rencontré récemment des personnes ne me renvoyant que des images négatives. Je comprends bien ta théorie, mais avec moi...ca coince.
Quant à Blade Runner, oui, c'est ma scène-fétiche et un de mes films-fétiches (j'aime plus l'adjectif "culte"; les gens l'ont dévoyé).
Merci d'être passée par là...
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